CUP HALF FULL: Troubled by headaches, lady problems or gastro issues? Some might say you should go see a doctor. But Conservative MEP Nirj Deva from the UK — a nation of homeopathy fans from the Queen down to the punters — suggests you see a cupper. MEPs who “cannot find an effective way of cosmetology,” suffer from “cervical spondylosis, prolapse of lumbar intervertebral disc, knee osteoarthritis, fasciitis, peritendinitis,” or “simply need a refreshing afternoon after tons of office work” can enjoy a Gwyneth Paltrow-approved alternative to modern medicine, according to an invitation for a cupping treatment sent by the EU-China Friendship Group. Suction-driven glass cups will be applied to the backs of lawmakers on June 5 from 2pm to 5pm, at the Press Club Brussels Europe.
LIPS UN-SEALED: Sealskin clad politicians stormed the steps of Strasbourg this week in support of lifting the EU ban on seal products. The Greenlanders — who left the EU in 1984 — have returned to the political discussion by lobbying to lift the seal import ban that has cut their exports by 90 percent since 2009. A delegation of Inuit hunters promised to “sing for friendship, serve Arctic food and ask for justice in front of the Parliament in Strasbourg,” according to the group’s representative.
UKIP-OCRISY: The UK Independence Party complains that Romanian immigrants are criminals who are clogging up British jail cells, but maybe the party should have done some soul-searching before casting the first stone. According to 2014 data compiled by the
Mirror newspaper, UKIP MEPs are more likely to go to prison than Romanians. “Only 0.5% of Romanians in the UK are currently in jail versus nearly 10% of UKIP MEPs who have been imprisoned since 1999,” the Mirror concluded. Out of 22 UKIP MEPs, two have been jailed since 1999: Ashley Mote and Tom Wise, who were both imprisoned for fraud. Meanwhile, 588 out of the 105,273 Romanians living in the UK in 2013 were jailed.
CHINESE TAKE-OVERS: Watch out Paris, one of your suburbs may become the new fashion hub of Europe. A massive wholesale market of Made in China goods opened in Aubervilliers, a middle-class suburb of Paris, in March. Overtaking a similar market in Germany as the largest in Europe, the fashion market may become a new stomping ground for fashionistas looking to score a ready-to-wear suit for just €40. Road trip, anyone?
EU SPORTS STARS: Two British sporting legends have been nominated as ambassadors of the European Week of Sport — Steven Gerrard (outgoing Liverpool and England footballer, due to join the Los Angeles Galaxy in August) and Paula Radcliffe(three-time winner of the London Marathon and three-time New York Marathon champion.) Clarence Seedorf, the former Real Madrid, AC Milan, Ajax and Dutch international midfield star, will be an ambassador for the European Week of Sport. Seedorf is the only player to have won the Champions League with three different clubs, and he is an active supporter of the Nelson Mandela Foundation.
WHICH DISH: Which European Commission dynamic duo is constantly playing power games with each other? Despite the outward displays of coziness, the higher ranking pol often reverses course weeks after plans have been set just to show his underling who is boss…
WHO’S UP ...
Conchita Wurst — after a year as the reigning Eurovision champion, the Austrian drag artist has become the bearded face of the nation — a fact that won’t be ignored during this weekend’s final in Vienna.
Sir Mick Jagger —the Rolling Stone predicted early on that Conservatives would win the UK election. He told Prime Minister David Cameron’s American campaign guru Jim Messina at a party: “You’re going to win…the average guy thinks Cameron makes tough decisions and things are getting a bit better. They won’t change from that.”
Newt Gingrich — The former US House Speaker has a new advisory job at the law firm Dentons, which should see him back in Brussels, where he wrote his dissertation. He tells Playbook by phone that he has a “serious and deep commitment to the EU and Eastern Europe.”
WHO’S DOWN…
Labour — The UK party has become so mired in a navel-gazing leadership election they couldn’t even organize themselves to keep their usual seats on the House of Commons benches. The upstart Scottish National Party invaded their literal and political space again this week.
Donald Tusk — The EU Council president (pictured) has become the whipping boy for the brutal losses of incumbent Bronisław Komorowskiin the Polish presidential elections. Fingers are pointing at Tusk for dashing off to Brussels and leaving Poland a political mess.
Belgian customer service — Only in Belgium could a loan provider advertise its “kindness” as a “surprise.” Cofidis has plastered advertisements around Brussels with a testimonial from a customer stating in French: “En fait, j’ai été surprise par leur gentillesse” or “In fact, I was surprised by their kindness.”
JAZZ MARATHON: It’s the 20th year of the Brussels Jazz Marathon this weekend, where performances of jazz, blues, funk and world music will flood the main squares and clubs of the city. There’ll even be a free jazz line bus shuttle from 8 pm to 2:15 am on Friday and Saturday.
NO SLEEP FOR THE COMMISSION: It’s hard to argue that Eurocrats don’t work when Playbook has been fielding e-mails from President Jean-Claude Juncker’s staff at all hours of the night. The latest message to pop up in our inbox this week was from a Commission spokesperson at nearly 1 am.
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MARTIN SELMAYR? Don’t bet on having the ear of the Commission president’s top aide this month. We hear Martin Selmayr will be booked with “missions non-stop” over the next month including Strasbourg, the G7 summit, the Japan summit and Greece negotiations. If you spot him send us a line!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Euroskeptics don’t annoy me because they are wrong; they annoy me because sometimes they are right.” — Frans Timmermans, unveiling the Commission’s “Better Regulation” plans.
DID YOU KNOW? One in three American 14-year-olds think the governments of France, Canada and Australia are controlled by the military. Monsieur l’Ambassadeur has work to do.
EUROVISION FUN FACTS AND HOT TIPS:
Australia — 19 hours by flight from continental Europe — will be in this year’s final as a special guest.
Finland’s entry is a group of punk rockers with learning disabilities — they were knocked out in the first semi-final.
Israel’s entry Nadav Guedj is a 16-year-old, and the song is called “Golden Boy.”
Sweden’s entry, Måns Zelmerlöw, looks like he fell out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue — and has the coolest laser and animation show Playbook has seen.
Belgium’s Loïc Nottet leads the most unusual choir imaginable (think pirouetting, robot-dancing electronica). The rising star of the competition.
Greece’s entry is called “one last breath” — but it’s not an economic reference.
Russia is the odds-on favorite with gamblers — and the biggest belt-it-out ballad of the year.
Hungary’s Boggie has piled up 30 million YouTube views.
Italy’s Il Voto tick a lot of boxes — Grammy-nominated young heartthrobs, they will have both girls and gays cheering for them.