CHIVALRY ISN’T DEAD: Last week the European Parliament didn’t just tackle the great foie gras debate but also wrestled with a request to host a Medieval tournament on July 13 and 14. The European Conservatives and Reformists group — known for wielding budgetary swords rather than real ones — asked the Bureau of the Parliament for permission to use the Esplanade Solidarność 1980 for the event. Debate on the request focused on whether the Code of Chivalry reflected European values. After a lengthy discussion on the merits of jousting on the steps of the European Parliament, it was decided that the games do not constitute a parliamentary event and Parliament Vice President Rainer Wieland of the European People’s Party group killed the concept. An ECR representative explained: “It was intended to promote common values in Europe such as honor, fair competition and courage, highlighting the common heritage in Europe.” Apparently, we’ll have to find some other way to do that. The minutes record: “After a discussion on the merits of organizing such as tournament in front of the European Parliament (the code of chivalry as ‘European values’ was raised) the Bureau decided that such an event did not constitute a European Parliament event.
BY THE NUMBERS — JUNCKER’S SPECIAL TOUCH: It was “Maul Europe” rather than Less Europe as Jean-Claude Juncker greeted national leaders in a back-slappy, necktie-grabby, forehead-kissy Friday photo-op session in Riga. A video edit by Le Petit Journal showed Juncker goofing around with a parade of VIPs as European Council President Donald Tusk looked on uncomfortably. Here’s a breakdown of the Juncker meet-and-greet:
4 dismissals, in which the national leader is told to move on
4 back slaps
3 “who is that?” questions to either Tusk or the Latvian prime minister
3 face slaps
3 kisses for Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaitė
3 necktie yanks and/or comparisons
2 forehead kisses
1 calling somebody a “Dictator” (Hungarian PM Viktor Orbán)
1 making a dictator sandwich — with Orbán pressed by Juncker into Tusk
1 belly slap
FAUX-JUNCKER’S FAN CLUB: Juncker’s shadow Martin Selmayr is keeping tabs on a Twitter account spoofing the Commission President — @JunckerLU. The chief of staff is one of the 37 followers of the account, which tweets gems like: “Served English sausage for dinner by @David_Cameron. Think I have food poisoning. Must ban those things when I get back. #GBR #Brexit#EUref.”
SIGN OF THE TIMES: There’s a place in Brussels where the euro goes to die: It’s called the Euro Funeral Home, located in the scenic industrial zone of Forest. The funeral home’s sign has a familiar 12 yellow stars in a circle. It offers “Discount ashes to families,” in case you’re wondering.
WHO’S UP?
ANDRZEJ DUDA: The 43-year-old dark-horse politician went from being a rank-and-file MEP to ousting Polish President Bronisław Komorowski. See, there is life after the European Parliament!
WORLD’S OLDEST WOMAN: Jeralean Talley, the world’s oldest living person, turned 116 on Saturday in Michigan. The African-American great-great-grandmother was born in 1899 as one of 12 children.
WORLD’S OLDEST MOM: 65-year-old German Annegret Raunigk just gave birth to her 14th child. She already has seven grandchildren.
ANNE GLOVER: Her post as Commission chief scientific adviser was abolished by Jean-Claude Juncker, and after months of delay and uncertainty it turns out it will take seven people to replace her — with something called the Scientific Advice Mechanism (SAM).
WHO’S DOWN?
LITTERBUGS IN CHINA: The Hong Kong Cleanup Challenge is publicly shaming people who throw trash on the streets. By collecting DNA samples found on the waste, the NGO, in partnership with Ogilvy & Mather, has digitally reconstructed the faces of the culprits and plastered them on billboards around town. The only thing missing piece from the mug shots is hair, leaving the guilty at large as long as their hair disguises their face.
UNRECOGNIZABLE GOVERNMENT LEADERS: Jean-Claude Juncker couldn’t recall their names in Riga last week, and neither could we.
MARIANO RAJOY: The Spanish prime minister’s People’s Party lost control of almost every region in the country after a bruising election last weekend.
EUROVISION POWER STRUGGLE: Not everything at the Eurovision Song Contest is sweetness and harmony. Consider a dust-up in the press center between the BBC and Radio France. The BBC decided to commandeer a few tables, just because they could. Then Radio France needed to borrow a power outlet, and decided to help themselves to one in the the BBC space. Cue a spat in which the BBC tried to push them away, and the Radio France journalist shouted, “Who do you think you are? The BBC, so what?” Calmer heads intervened and Radio France got their power outlet.
SMOOTH SWEDE: Eurovision winner Måns Zelmerlöw is a man of the people. He arrived in an ordinary taxi to the final in Vienna, and he went defied the stage crew at the official after-party. They wanted him to perform his winning number using a taped recording, but Zelmerlöw argued with them on stage and insisted on singing live.
EMOJ-ASBORD: There will be 38 new ways to express your boredom to friends during a parliamentary hearing or EU summit by summer 2016, when the Unicode Consortium releases new emojis. Get ready for Nauseated Face, Drooling Face, Lying Face and Clown Face. But we hope there’s enough time to add a few — like Belly Slap Face, Where’s Your Tie Face, Dictator Slap Face and Triple Kiss Face.
A WANTED POSTER SPOTTED IN RIGA: hat tip @Berlaymonster
SPOTTED: Jean-Claude Juncker taking a morning walk with no security detail or assistants just before 8 am outside the Princess Juliana school recently. He stopped to chat with a young schoolgirl and her father when recognized.
WE RUINED THEIR DINNER DATE! German Chancellor Angela Merkel and Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras were due to sit next to each other over dinner last week at the Riga Summit on Europe’s Eastern Partnership. Until Playbook wrote about it … and Latvians were placed between them.
WE HEAR: MEP Jacqueline Foster has been complaining that she isn’t referred to as a capital ‘C’ conservative. She took to the phones this week to vigorously challenge at least one person for referring to her as a small ‘c’ conservative. Do you know more?